The ego is a fragile beast.
Mine has had a small kick up the butt lately.
It's all very complicated but basically, as our jobs are under threat, my boss and I applied for Voluntary Early Redundancy to increase our options over the next couple of years and give us a fallback plan.
I was bullish and resilient during the application phase, but that all changed yesterday when the Personnel people wrote to us to say our applications were successful.
I didn't sleep much last night as the success of my application appeared to give me the sensation of 'not being wanted' after 26 years in the department, being rejected after giving them the best years of my life.
To add to the frustration I noticed they had scored me very highly for 'Timing' and it would appear that Personnel changed my preferred date from 2014 to 2012 to fit in with their plans for higher natural wastage this year.
And then we realised that with our dates being pulled forward we would have to decide much quicker than we were anticipating - instead of having two years to decide, we had one month.
Needless to say we agreed to decline the offer of redundancy with the limited compensation offered. As ever, my boss and I were as one in that decision - we were not going to be bullied into taking 'VERY' early redundancy.
Complex plans - unexpected outcomes....thanks to our lovely government.